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Those are horrible to recover from. Best in those cases to just to just stock up on stereotypical frozen treats, load up on youtube stand-up comedy clips to distract from the heart-wrenching pain and hunker down for the long-haul.
The beauty of dating as a grown-up is that… well… we get to act like grown-ups. Men these days can usually usually being an important caveat there handle hearing that, in fact….
So, with that contemplation also comes a sense of self-awareness. I would love to keep you as a friend and hanger outer! And, friends — that is not an exception.
I get that kind of gracious response all the time! So, stay tuned …tomorrow: October 22, Categories: Somehow I feel like I can no longer grasp at the deliciously adorable year-old men without being a cyber Mrs.
Let the record show, that, while I write about the horrors and travails of the online dating community, it turns out…. I DO have good dates. I DO meet sweet, thoughtful men.
I DO interact with intelligent and witty guys. But, I want the record to reflect that there IS a good side to the online dating scene. Are you asleep yet?
See what I mean? Now, I WILL stick by my assertion that for every decent guy on the dating scene at least from my experience , there are easily 50 jerks.
And that may be a conservative ratio. I think that there are probably an equal number of good guys and bad guys out there to begin with. The herd starts out strong, but the relationship predators have picked them off, one by one:.
No harm no foul there…. These guys can go one of a few routes in the working out of their woundedness: They can retreat from the dating world thus, taking themselves off the market , they can enter into more relationships inordinately needy and unhealthfully, or the worst option , they can overcompensate for their own insecurities by being jerks or players.
I doubt it would be nearly as entertaining…. Or perhaps some combination of the above. Almost all of the dates I actually GO on are good.
I can call him almost any time to take me 2-stepping. He asked me all about my preferences and if I had any allergies and if I was in the mood for any particular ethnic cuisine… all very thoughtful.
Then he served up just to make your mouths water: Yes — that actually happened. He MAY have gotten a smooch…but I never dine and tell.
And there are many more stories of dates gone well. So, yes — my dating life is full of funny stories, unfortunate misfires and some sizeable flops.
And when you combine those with the photos and messages I receive online, we have AMPLE fodder for years of bloggable entertainment. But there are also some sweet, thoughtful guys still out there too.
And I figured it was about time I told you so. October 2, Categories: For every fickle or flakey or frustratingly obscure quality women bring to the dating table, men have an equal contribution.
The first was going great — several dates, lots of fun, but I think I pushed too hard telling him that I really enjoyed his company, being enthusiastic about hanging out more …that I scared him off.
So, I decided to soften my style a bit. Then, I apparently offended or bruised the egos of? I went out with each of them and enjoyed the time enough to want to see them again.
When I landed in Houston, I texted him…we bantered. I told him that I WAS! Do you KNOW how many profiles start with this sentence: OK — time for a teeny grammar lesson…humor me for a moment.
Argh…this gets so frustrating. See what I did there? This could have a blog post all on its own. Thankfully for YOU, we will tell you — just watch for the cues.
And then, you can soften. Why do men DO this? To both of us. Actually, my little brother is more fun than most of these guys…. The biggest problem with guys being on one of the two ends of this spectrum, is that it forces women to have to play the extremes as well.
Where are the guys who know how to use appropriately flirtatious touch to communicate a physical attraction without mauling you, creeping you out or making you feel like an androgynous decoration?
If all I cared about was seeing muscled men with no details about their personalities — I could go pick up men off of Harwin…. In five minutes, I found three:.
The message will be my silence. Can you decipher that? Tell you what — in the interest of fairness, I will write a post later this month on the things that WOMEN do, which drive me crazy.
September 18, Categories: I was talking with a friend about the similarities between dating and interviewing people to hire. If they do it well, great!
SO — of course, as you may have already suspected — the gears in my head started spinning about how to appropriate this idea for my dating needs.
Gone are the days of nervous first dates. Welcome to the relationship probationary world of home repair. Custom design and install a Sarah Jessica Parker worthy closet…feed me for a lifetime.
Am I losing you with the mixed metaphors? Perhaps there could even be a points system based on the level of expertise and time required to complete a project.
You know — satisfactory installation of a ceiling fan earns you two rounds of drinks this Friday. Re-landscaping my entire yard…in the Houston heat — gets you Saturday night dinner, a show and a sizeable goodnight kiss.
It also speaks to preparedness and planning, which, as you all know, are sexy qualities for this single mama. What a perfect test for our future relationship.
Or is he going for the anchor-it-securely-to-the-stud sort of partnership? That points to his caring nature, and ultimately to his facility with romance.
Heck — he can go grocery shopping for me and be halfway to lifelong affection. September 5, Categories: But then, are you surprised?
Really makes me think I need to write a book. I love this idea — always have. All I want to do is put myself on his radar. If you think about it — this is the virtual equivalent of going to a bar.
After that, he is free to chase. Nay — invited to! And most quality guys do. I am perfectly fine being auditioned. What if… and the following have all happened to me — he is much more overweight than he indicated?
What if he has really bad teeth? What if he has awful breath? What if he makes uber lame jokes and then laughs awkwardly at them?
What if he does that uncomfortably long staring thing? What if he answers all your questions with short clipped one-word answers, thereby giving you nothing to work with to create engaging conversation?
What if he smells and not in a good way? I know that I must sound harsh, but my time is SO limited. Between 2 jobs, 2 children and church and volunteer work, my time to go on dates is precious little.
This one cracks me up more than any of the others. This is one of her infamous tips. Staring at someone for 5 entire seconds, without breaking the gaze, is essentially telling them you have plans for them that night that include them ending up in small pieces scattered in your rose garden.
But, when I imagine this happening in daylight, in line at the prepared foods section at Whole Foods, …it kinda makes me want to have a bag boy walk me to my car… just in case.
Then I smile and go back to what I was doing. Well…it WILL work… someday. I agree with the idea that the guy should pay.
But — I always sincerely offer to help out when the bill comes. I think this comes, in part, from talking with so many men whose number one complaint is about finding women online who are looking for a wealthy guy to help them out of debt and into a life of opulence.
I have talked about the online dating scene with all of my dates. I could pick apart different parts of the book as well, but who has the time?
What with writing my OWN treatise…. I suppose all I need to do now is sit back and wait for some snotty blogger to pick IT apart. September 4, Categories: Singles get a lot of unsolicited advice.
Do not, for ANY reason, come rub my belly. That would be indescribably awkward. Do you mean that I have to be happy with my singleness, or just generically content with my life?
I am happy with my life! I believe that I was created to love. I think God designed all humans to yearn for and exist in relationship.
But I am also searching for something that I think… rather, I know will bring me more complete pleasure. Should a homeless person have to just learn to be content without having shelter?
Should a terminally sick person exult in their physical fragility? I was married for almost a decade. I am almost to a fault sometimes a self-aware and self-reflective person.
I know my flaws and my struggles. I know my strengths. I know my areas of woundedness and I know my personal preferences and limits with potential partners.
My singleness is not proof of me being personally unaware. Oh, this is one of my favorites. I think, the very fact that I AM still single is evidence that I would rather have no one than have the wrong one.
Is there some kind of a graph I can refer to, to know just how low in the pool I need to grab from? Additionally — I think the general populous must think that single people are only looking for perfect partners.
I know that there is no such thing. Ok, I acknowledge that there are always new things to glean from good books, but I have had at least a dozen recommendations for self-help dating articles or books.
I think I just wrote a best-seller. Take a break from dating. When people stop looking for things is when they inevitably find them.
Is that how it works? The implication here is that I am obsessed with finding the perfect guy. I like searching for love.
There are so many others — but who has the time to respond to all of them?: A little less talk, a lot more action, friends.
August 27, Categories: But as it was, I was stuck — enduring all the most disadvantageous pieces of monogamy with none of the sweet reward.
On the next flight was a girl who played her music annoyingly loudly, but her angry facial expressions, front neck tattoo and multiple facial piercings made me nervous to confront her about it.
And I ended my aviation adventure with the man next to me snoring in my ear. So…why not parlay this inevitably awkward situation into an opportunity?
If I have to suffer the travails of proximity to these lower life forms, then I say we turn it on its head and make it work FOR me. You already have the environment to cultivate relationship building and getting to know each other.
All that would need to happen is someone to come in and organize the existing chaos. Of course, flights would be segregated by ages — somethings, somethings and so on.
Men will sit on the aisle and every 5 minutes, your friendly airline host will come over the loud speaker and instruct the men to move. Every man will move back ONE row and sit in the seat behind where he just was.
And the two guys in the back will come to the front row. And you know the airlines would have a heyday with this idea. I can hear the flight attendants now… and please — for the love of all that is literarily snarky — please read the following in a subtle, yet noticeably nasal and personally detached internal voice:.
Welcome aboard flight , with service to engaging banter, and continued service to true love. Be certain you have stowed all sensitive topics under the seat in front of you.
Heavier conversations about exes and lists of dealbreakers should be placed in the overhead bin, and please do not delve into them as emotions may shift in flight.
If you are seated in a speed-dating seat, you must be able to demonstrate a modicum of cleverness and charm, without causing harm to yourself or others.
Men acting like teenage boys may not sit in a dating seat. If you are seated in a dating seat and do not meet these requirements, please notify a flight attendant at this time.
To release, simply use crude boy humor. We appreciate your business. We know you have options for your airline dating needs, so we thank you for choosing Affection Airlines.
August 25, Categories: Dating Services , Relationships Tags: And then, the moment you become single again, you find yourself in a dried up pond where the only fish still flapping with life are the bottom feeders or those creepy all tooth and lights and no soul kind?
Where did the swarms of eager bachelors go? When the people around you can see you as you are in a relationship, they see the whole put-together package.
They see the way you dote on your man or girl, as the sitch calls for. You know how this goes — you walk past the window and see that they already have the pencil skirt and Bohemian-chic top impeccably paired with a whimsical summer scarf and the perfect chunky, but not too chunky accessories.
You want THAT version. You have to put together your own. You could bag an even better shopper while you still have the vestiges of relationship success clinging to your pencil skirt.
But, alas, when we try to do that, we unfortunately bypass an essential step in our own journey…blah blah…something …something…personal growth.
The same goes here. You all know this is true. But, not all the way…? This is where those past boyfriend endorsements can really come in handy.
August 15, Categories: From the sea of singledome, if you listen closely, you can hear the quiet cries of women everywhere — often too individually timid to talk to men about some of the most infuriating behaviors we encounter in dating — often too scared to confront these issues for fear that the man will run — often too insecure in our own identities to claim the love and care we deserve.
And hear me on this — for MOST of these issues, it truly is a blind spot. Ok — here we go…. Our love-thirsty hearts hear something that sounds future-thinking and we let hope bubble up that the guy sees a real future with us.
Sometimes these are subtle and sometimes men must just not think at all when throwing around such weighty words…. Here are a few examples.
These are phrases that a man might toss out during conversation in the initial courtship phase think — dates 1 through He likes me enough to want to travel with me.
If you really DO see a future with us, then by all means, say so! We can handle a slower clip. This is one of the classic blunders.
But only slightly less well-known is this: Are men this fickle? And usually, we go to a pretty pessimistic place.
This one is such a FINE line. In fact, it can spice up the relational banter considerably. But it is SO easy for men to take it to a mean place without even realizing it.
I just had a friend ask my advice on this issue this morning. Her guy will unwittingly join in with a mutual friend and tease her to the point of bullying.
Men, the best way to diffuse this particular blind spot is to pay attention to her non-verbal cues. If you even think you MAY have crossed this line… now this gets very intricate and tricky, so try to keep up — ask.
Yup — that simple. Soften your demeanor always a plus in just about every encounter with a woman and approach her kindly with something like this: This can only go one of two ways.
Now, some women care more than others, so I may be a bit of an outlier here… but I honestly do not care what kind of car you have.
Another way this issue can surface is in simply talking TOO much about yourself. And this includes false humility too. Desperately begging for us to give you another chance is like seeing a wounded animal on the side of the road and wanting to see it put out of its misery.
They are SO similar…. If you DO decide to press the issue, and I cannot stress this enough — do it in a winsome way. How do you do this without coming off desperate or smarmy?
Be the guy who wins her over by mentally seducing her with your charm, wit and adorable persistence. Begging is not sexy. But — we girls put a lot of thought into how we look, what we say, heck — the WAY we sit on a date even… so, throw us a bone every now and then.
If you like something, say so. No matter how liberated we are, women want a man who will take charge and initiate spending time with us.
But, so often, in this lazy, postmodern dating world, men just sit back and wait for women to chase after them. But, oh, man — to be pursued… and well?
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